Multiple bursts of fireworks race each other upwards, as if responding to a common trigger. It’s very very windy and raining but still people huddle about in the cold to celebrate or commemorate or simply party together. If only there could be a similarly apparent co-ordinated response to the sexual abuse of children.
I’m musing over having to come off a committee. I’m one of two remaining founding members. I’m one of the holders of the ‘institutional memory’ of the group. But, I’ve got to resign and I don’t think it’s right that I should be the one that has to leave.
We had a new member start last meeting and soon after, a colleague said I “should know” that the guy is “a pedophile.” A heavy accusation. She laid out what she knew about the ‘evidence’ - the two vulnerable young boys he’d befriended (groomed is now the term being applied to those relationships in retrospect). He legally adopted one and later took in the second. Child porn was found on his computer. One of the boys rang someone once to complain about inappropriate ‘touching.’ But somehow all the ‘evidence’ was vanished in a deal when the guy was sacked or asked to move on from his job at the time. No official or legal investigations occurred.
The witnesses, of substantial character, pass on their story like a Chinese Whisper and it spreads via the ‘kumara vine’ – primarily to alert parents of children so they can rightfully make an informed choice about whether or not they want this man meeting their children. Based on what I’ve heard, I do not want him to meet my daughter.
Neither am I happy to sit in meetings with him and act like there’s nothing amiss. He spoke of these two boys as if they were his natural sons that he had raised from babes. I assumed he was heterosexual and there’d been a mother somewhere along the line. Meanwhile, others have explained away the ‘rumour’ as malicious gay-bashing – he’s a gay man with a young lover – that’s what they had heard.
Given my principles, I can’t see how I cannot resign. 1. It is best to believe the victim and in this case there are credible witnesses – so I take it their perspective is grounded in reality and the guy has a problem, which he has always and still denies. 2. To do nothing is to collude with the abuser, so I have to do something. 3. There is no ‘evidence’ that any official could act upon; there is no one to report this to = so, there is only me willing to act and all I can do is talk directly to the guy (whilst at the same time avoiding giving him a case for libel/defamation); and the only other thing I can do is withdraw my support for him to be on the committee and resign because I do not want to work with him (though I won’t be able to state why).
I’m angry that his nominee, the person who recommended this guys appointment to the committee, knew about the story already and is now promoting this guys career. I’m angry that insufficient action was taken when there was ‘evidence’ – that the guy’s employer at that time did not do the right thing. I’m even angry that the tale is being spread and it was told to me, because I lose involvement in this committee.
An ex once said I had too much integrity. How can you have too much integrity? I thought. Well, this is one of those times when that integrity bites me. So, I did it. I emailed the guy, told him I did not want to work with him, did not support his being on the committee and I suggested he might like to pass on this particular commitment. A couple of days before the next meeting I resigned. A day later, the guy emailed saying that if I was going to act on malicious rumour then he didn’t want to work with me and it was unsafe for him to continue on the committee! So, I presume he resigned also.
Tee’s grandmother has cut all these pieces out of the carpet in her lounge room. We’re like, ‘um, what happened to your carpet?’ She replies. ‘It was the cat. I couldn’t get the smell of the shit out any other way.’ Somehow, this ‘pedophile’ incident is like that. It’s over (I hope), but there’s these unsightly holes in my carpet.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The Nitty Gritty on Nits (Head Lice)
No matter how tightly I clench my eyelids the menthol tingling of the muddy green Selsun Blue shampoo still feels like it’s eating through. I curse the nits Tee caught at Daycare. That was eight months ago but still my scalp itches – and it’s largely in my head that the lice got on my head. I only ever caught one adult lice almost as soon as it had found a stray strand of my hair to scuttle off on.
Pulling the tiny toothed nit comb through my 87cm length hair was excruciating – not because of the pain, but emotionally it was traumatic to see so much of my hair being torn out. And for nothing – no more live lice, no eggs, but an ongoing phobia I still itch from.
We got caught out. We knew nothing about nit prevention and had no warning from Daycare that lice were about. She was nearly three and a half years old and for the first time I saw her scratch her head in a determined way. She was ‘infested’ – that’s what it’s called when there’s so many adults you can see them easily if you part the hair and look. From the size of the babies, they’d been on Tee and happily breeding for over a week. But I didn’t know that until hours of research on the internet.
It was a midweek early evening. I raced off to an all night chemist for advice and products. I came home with over $100 of combs, a natural treatment, a few bottles of spray on treatment, a shampoo treatment, a nit-deterrent conditioner and an electric buzzing nit-finding comb. It was total overkill. But I thought we all had to be treated and I didn’t know what would work. We stripped Tee’s bed and ours and threw sheets, pillow cases, towels and anything else a nit could have got on in to the wash. Totally unnecessary, as I was to learn.
It took 34 days of combing through Tee’s hair every 2nd or third night to get rid of that first infestation. The second lot, four months later were caught early because we kept up a routine check: combing for nits weekly, then fortnightly, or immediately upon seeing head-scratching behaviour. They were eradicated within a fortnight.
Probably the saddest thing about my daughter getting nits is the effect it had on our intimacy. I found I was always trying to not allow our hair to come in to contact when she’s got nits and other times as a preventative. It felt like I was pushing her away.
I just can’t seem to get to blasé about nits because for me it’s not an option to just comb them out of my hair. I think now – oh well if I get them I’ll dye my hair (another Mum swore it killed off the bugs) and if that doesn’t work, I’ll try flyspray or some other nasty chemical. Luckily, so far, I haven’t had to do that because I haven’t got lice… I don’t think I’ve got lice… I better go check again… oh my head is soooo itchy…
Here’s my ‘easiest/cheapest effective solution to head lice.’
Once your child starts attending Daycare/Playcentre or School you need to start combing for head lice on a regular basis (once every 3 days or at least once a week). Do not rely on your child’s Daycare or school to alert you to a nit problem!
If you find lice, you need to comb for lice every second day (at the latest every third day).
COMBING METHOD
Plonk your child on a stool in front of the TV (or similar engrossing activity) and brush hair to remove knots. Spread conditioner through the hair (any conditioner will do. It is not necessary to buy expensive so-called nit-deterrent conditioners). Using a special nit comb, thoroughly comb through all the hair, covering the whole scalp (once may be enough if just checking to prevent lice getting established).
If lice got to lay eggs and you’re in a treatment cycle, go over the whole head a few times to be sure you have removed all the live lice. After each comb through, inspect the comb for lice and wipe clean on a tissue. The conditioner will not kill the lice or eggs that you have removed – so dispose of the tissue in to a plastic bag and bin.
Wash the conditioner out and shampoo hair as you normally would.
If in a treatment cycle (lice have laid eggs) you need to continue combing to remove newly hatched lice for just over a month (over 35 days) at least.
Alternative: If you don’t want to wash your child’s hair, e.g. because it is too late at night; instead of conditioner you can apply oil (e.g. oil for cradle cap, a lite vegetable cooking oil, a non-scented massage oil; 1-2 drops of tea-tree oil can be added but it is not going to kill eggs or lice or act as a deterrent and too much tea-tree oil can make children feel sick). The oil can be left on until the next day when at your convenience you can shampoo your child’s hair.
Head lice life cycle
It only takes one adult female lice that has mated with an adult male lice to crawl on to your child’s head from someone else’s hair – she will lay 4-8 eggs a night for up to 16 days. She will die after 32-35 days from being laid as a nit (egg).
Each egg hatches after 6-7 days. About 9-10 days later they will become reproductive adults and if a male and female are present they will mate and start laying more eggs.
This is why it is important to remove live lice every few days and continue to do so until all the eggs have hatched. So if lice have laid eggs on your child’s head and even if you find no live lice for 3 days check again 3 days later.
There are hundreds of websites on the issue but many contain inaccurate or insufficient information.
Myths
Lice do not fly or jump – they crawl quickly along the hair and from one hair to another. This is how they get on to other people’s heads. Hair infested with lice needs to come into close contact with hair on another persons head for lice to spread. When the hair is moved they run quickly down the hair and on to other hair coming in contact with the hair they are on. You can prevent lice spreading within the family by being careful about close contact of heads. Tie hair up.
You do not need to strip beds and wash all linen and clothes. Lice that have left the head are ill and dying anyway.
Nothing appropriate for use on a child’s head kills the eggs. There are stories around about desperate parents resorting to strong insecticide treatments used on animals or insects. Kia tupato! Be careful! Chemicals can pass through the scalp in to your child’s bloodstream and make them feel ill. Most people would frown upon the use of these treatments.
Chemical treatments may kill live lice but they can easily be removed manually. There is little benefit to using chemicals and other non-chemical treatments to kill lice, when the eggs are not killed by these treatments and newly hatched lice will appear within 1-2 days until all the eggs have hatched.
Possibly helpful precautionary measures
Tie your child’s hair up when they are going to be playing with other children.
Don’t allow children to share hats.
Pulling the tiny toothed nit comb through my 87cm length hair was excruciating – not because of the pain, but emotionally it was traumatic to see so much of my hair being torn out. And for nothing – no more live lice, no eggs, but an ongoing phobia I still itch from.
We got caught out. We knew nothing about nit prevention and had no warning from Daycare that lice were about. She was nearly three and a half years old and for the first time I saw her scratch her head in a determined way. She was ‘infested’ – that’s what it’s called when there’s so many adults you can see them easily if you part the hair and look. From the size of the babies, they’d been on Tee and happily breeding for over a week. But I didn’t know that until hours of research on the internet.
It was a midweek early evening. I raced off to an all night chemist for advice and products. I came home with over $100 of combs, a natural treatment, a few bottles of spray on treatment, a shampoo treatment, a nit-deterrent conditioner and an electric buzzing nit-finding comb. It was total overkill. But I thought we all had to be treated and I didn’t know what would work. We stripped Tee’s bed and ours and threw sheets, pillow cases, towels and anything else a nit could have got on in to the wash. Totally unnecessary, as I was to learn.
It took 34 days of combing through Tee’s hair every 2nd or third night to get rid of that first infestation. The second lot, four months later were caught early because we kept up a routine check: combing for nits weekly, then fortnightly, or immediately upon seeing head-scratching behaviour. They were eradicated within a fortnight.
Probably the saddest thing about my daughter getting nits is the effect it had on our intimacy. I found I was always trying to not allow our hair to come in to contact when she’s got nits and other times as a preventative. It felt like I was pushing her away.
I just can’t seem to get to blasé about nits because for me it’s not an option to just comb them out of my hair. I think now – oh well if I get them I’ll dye my hair (another Mum swore it killed off the bugs) and if that doesn’t work, I’ll try flyspray or some other nasty chemical. Luckily, so far, I haven’t had to do that because I haven’t got lice… I don’t think I’ve got lice… I better go check again… oh my head is soooo itchy…
Here’s my ‘easiest/cheapest effective solution to head lice.’
Once your child starts attending Daycare/Playcentre or School you need to start combing for head lice on a regular basis (once every 3 days or at least once a week). Do not rely on your child’s Daycare or school to alert you to a nit problem!
If you find lice, you need to comb for lice every second day (at the latest every third day).
COMBING METHOD
Plonk your child on a stool in front of the TV (or similar engrossing activity) and brush hair to remove knots. Spread conditioner through the hair (any conditioner will do. It is not necessary to buy expensive so-called nit-deterrent conditioners). Using a special nit comb, thoroughly comb through all the hair, covering the whole scalp (once may be enough if just checking to prevent lice getting established).
If lice got to lay eggs and you’re in a treatment cycle, go over the whole head a few times to be sure you have removed all the live lice. After each comb through, inspect the comb for lice and wipe clean on a tissue. The conditioner will not kill the lice or eggs that you have removed – so dispose of the tissue in to a plastic bag and bin.
Wash the conditioner out and shampoo hair as you normally would.
If in a treatment cycle (lice have laid eggs) you need to continue combing to remove newly hatched lice for just over a month (over 35 days) at least.
Alternative: If you don’t want to wash your child’s hair, e.g. because it is too late at night; instead of conditioner you can apply oil (e.g. oil for cradle cap, a lite vegetable cooking oil, a non-scented massage oil; 1-2 drops of tea-tree oil can be added but it is not going to kill eggs or lice or act as a deterrent and too much tea-tree oil can make children feel sick). The oil can be left on until the next day when at your convenience you can shampoo your child’s hair.
Head lice life cycle
It only takes one adult female lice that has mated with an adult male lice to crawl on to your child’s head from someone else’s hair – she will lay 4-8 eggs a night for up to 16 days. She will die after 32-35 days from being laid as a nit (egg).
Each egg hatches after 6-7 days. About 9-10 days later they will become reproductive adults and if a male and female are present they will mate and start laying more eggs.
This is why it is important to remove live lice every few days and continue to do so until all the eggs have hatched. So if lice have laid eggs on your child’s head and even if you find no live lice for 3 days check again 3 days later.
There are hundreds of websites on the issue but many contain inaccurate or insufficient information.
Myths
Lice do not fly or jump – they crawl quickly along the hair and from one hair to another. This is how they get on to other people’s heads. Hair infested with lice needs to come into close contact with hair on another persons head for lice to spread. When the hair is moved they run quickly down the hair and on to other hair coming in contact with the hair they are on. You can prevent lice spreading within the family by being careful about close contact of heads. Tie hair up.
You do not need to strip beds and wash all linen and clothes. Lice that have left the head are ill and dying anyway.
Nothing appropriate for use on a child’s head kills the eggs. There are stories around about desperate parents resorting to strong insecticide treatments used on animals or insects. Kia tupato! Be careful! Chemicals can pass through the scalp in to your child’s bloodstream and make them feel ill. Most people would frown upon the use of these treatments.
Chemical treatments may kill live lice but they can easily be removed manually. There is little benefit to using chemicals and other non-chemical treatments to kill lice, when the eggs are not killed by these treatments and newly hatched lice will appear within 1-2 days until all the eggs have hatched.
Possibly helpful precautionary measures
Tie your child’s hair up when they are going to be playing with other children.
Don’t allow children to share hats.
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