HOLES IN THE CARPET, PEDOPHILES AND TAKING A STAND AGAINST THE SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN

Multiple bursts of fireworks race each other upwards, as if responding to a common trigger. It’s very very windy and raining but still people huddle about in the cold to celebrate or commemorate or simply party together. If only there could be a similarly apparent co-ordinated response to the sexual abuse of children.

I’m musing over having to come off a committee. I’m one of two remaining founding members. I’m one of the holders of the ‘institutional memory’ of the group. But, I’ve got to resign and I don’t think it’s right that I should be the one that has to leave.

We had a new member start last meeting and soon after, a colleague said I “should know” that the guy is “a pedophile.” A heavy accusation. She laid out what she knew about the ‘evidence’ - the two vulnerable young boys he’d befriended (groomed is now the term being applied to those relationships in retrospect). He legally adopted one and later took in the second. Child porn was found on his computer. One of the boys rang someone once to complain about inappropriate ‘touching.’ But somehow all the ‘evidence’ was vanished in a deal when the guy was sacked or asked to move on from his job at the time. No official or legal investigations occurred.

The witnesses, of substantial character, pass on their story like a Chinese Whisper and it spreads via the ‘kumara vine’ – primarily to alert parents of children so they can rightfully make an informed choice about whether or not they want this man meeting their children. Based on what I’ve heard, I do not want him to meet my daughter.

Neither am I happy to sit in meetings with him and act like there’s nothing amiss. He spoke of these two boys as if they were his natural sons that he had raised from babes. I assumed he was heterosexual and there’d been a mother somewhere along the line. Meanwhile, others have explained away the ‘rumour’ as malicious gay-bashing – he’s a gay man with a young lover – that’s what they had heard.

Given my principles, I can’t see how I cannot resign. 1. It is best to believe the victim and in this case there are credible witnesses – so I take it their perspective is grounded in reality and the guy has a problem, which he has always and still denies. 2. To do nothing is to collude with the abuser, so I have to do something. 3. There is no ‘evidence’ that any official could act upon; there is no one to report this to = so, there is only me willing to act and all I can do is talk directly to the guy (whilst at the same time avoiding giving him a case for libel/defamation); and the only other thing I can do is withdraw my support for him to be on the committee and resign because I do not want to work with him (though I won’t be able to state why).

I’m angry that his nominee, the person who recommended this guys appointment to the committee, knew about the story already and is now promoting this guys career. I’m angry that insufficient action was taken when there was ‘evidence’ – that the guy’s employer at that time did not do the right thing. I’m even angry that the tale is being spread and it was told to me, because I lose involvement in this committee.

An ex once said I had too much integrity. How can you have too much integrity? I thought. Well, this is one of those times when that integrity bites me. So, I did it. I emailed the guy, told him I did not want to work with him, did not support his being on the committee and I suggested he might like to pass on this particular commitment. A couple of days before the next meeting I resigned. A day later, the guy emailed saying that if I was going to act on malicious rumour then he didn’t want to work with me and it was unsafe for him to continue on the committee! So, I presume he resigned also.

Tee’s grandmother has cut all these pieces out of the carpet in her lounge room. We’re like, ‘um, what happened to your carpet?’ She replies. ‘It was the cat. I couldn’t get the smell of the shit out any other way.’ Somehow, this ‘pedophile’ incident is like that. It’s over (I hope), but there’s these unsightly holes in my carpet.