A Heavy Seven Pounds

I’ve just watched the movie Seven Pounds. It was way too heavy for me and I couldn’t hold back the grief that I’ve been trying to stifle. Triggered grief. The grief that’s always there, though revisited less with time. Grief for what I missed out on. Not just grief though, anger, disappointment down to my marrow, that runs in my veins: disappointment with us - human beings. All that bad behaviour – violence, yelling, broken glass, my mother’s tears, my sisters crying - afraid; later - the sexual predators swooping taking; partners raging. Forty years of running from it, trying to dodge it (unsuccessfully).
Now, safe. Cacooned. I try to stay away from violent and sick people (I think I’ve finally learnt to recognize them in time). I try not to hear about the ongoing suffering of other women and children. I don’t watch the news. I rarely read a newspaper. I fight on against the Tobacco Industry, the biggest drug pushers ever: responsible for more deaths than small human minds can comprehend.
But, the biggest most important thing to do in this world, for me, is to stop the sexual and other violent abuse of children. I wish I was stronger so I could do more, like Kim McGregor. But I hate being triggered. I hate the pull down in to that pit. This latest slip started with reading two articles on how health professionals can be more sensitive to Child Sexual Abuse survivors. Women’s stories of the trauma they can be thrown in to at the clumsy handling of hospital staff. Then, I remember my own stories.
Like book ends to my day, I read one article in the morning and one at night. During the day I attended a meeting where I learned that over the years 2003-2007, in New Zealand, 334 children (aged 4wks-4yrs) died as a result of Sudden Unexpected Deaths. That in 2007, about 43% of Maori mums are still smoking when they first register for pregnancy care – a major risk factor associated with babies dying of SUDI. There’s no puzzle as to what we need to do to stop these deaths occurring but, how can we get the message through to these poor mums – literally poor; living in poorly served communities, communities where drinking, partying, bashing, drugs is day-to-day normal.
I have one very wanted treasured precious child. I can’t have any more. It’s hard to empathise with people having children accidentally, resentfully, neglectfully and with those who don’t put their babies first, who don’t do everything they can possibly do to ensure their child sleeps safe. It’s hard to imagine what it’s like to be driven by an instinct that supports that baby is dispensable – given the circumstances of the family at the time, sometimes just one baby, or one more baby just tips the balance of what’s sustainable and if it’s not man-slaughtered, it’s neglected just enough to die. I understand why it happens – and it is all of us as a human race that helps create those miserable parents living in their miserable child-unfriendly circumstances.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless and then depressed, but in the next two weeks we’re being given the chance to contribute to the solution, if even in a very small way. Every eligible voter in New Zealand can help make this country at least, more child-friendly. Just Vote Yes in the upcoming referendum.