Parental favouritism causes rifts for adult children

It's validating to find some research that confirms my own hypothesis about the nasty rifts and grudges going on in my family. Research by Pillemer and Suitor of Purdue University in the States has found parental favouritism is still causing problems among siblings even when they're well in to middle-age.

This is so true in my family. And, just as the research found - I ended up seeing a counsellor. Two and a half years have passed and one of my sisters is maintaining her course to steer forever away from me. As the years go on, I feel even more convinced that I need to accept that she may as well be dead to us; since that's what she wants. But I am still angry and hurting, not because she's cut me off - I don't think she's ever had anything over me before that she could use to hurt me. But once I had a child - then she had something. Finally she could strike a blow powered by years of resentment. Like a Grimm fairytale, she swept her daughter up and whisked her far away never to play with her younger (by 1 year) cousin again; denying them a relationship as cousins; denying my daughter the closest person she would ever have to a sibling (given that we couldn't have any more children).

I've been hurt by a lot of people, and I guess family you have to become immune to pretty quick and while you're young, if you're to survive. This is a whole new vulnerability I did not foresee family members would be able to exploit for kicks - hurting my child. I feel sorry for my niece also, who is equally being denied what could have been important relationships for her.

But there you go - the evidence is out. Sibling rivalry knows no end. This nastiness could go with us to the grave. At least I won't be alone in my one - I still have relationships with the rest of the family, and I have a loving partner and daughter. I have actually always been loved. And therein lies some of the difference. My poor sister, and yes I do pity her - for in her self-imposed exile, once our Mum dies she will have only her children.